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Trampas Johnson


Showdown

The sun was high on the desert -
My vision blurred as ghosts of past regrets
Rose before my eyes and flickered with
The waves of heat rippling off the sand.
I heard it come - spurs dragging along the gravel.
I turned, and faced a fetus.
The unborn child raised an eyebrow -
Looking me over, learning my aura,
Waiting for me to blink.
I knew I'd met my match
As we both tipped our hats to the same woman
In a purple dress, just outside the saloon doors.

I hesitated.

My gun was almost drawn as his bullet entered my chest
And split my heart.
As I fell into the dust
I heard him say
My life's not big enough for the two of us.



Trampas Johnson lives in Minot, North Dakota, and had a poem entitled, The Untold Story of Charles Brown and the Girl with the Red Hair published in the Fall, 1999 issue of Gumball Poetry, read it here.

He welcomes feedback at his email address: trampas@gumballpoetry.com.


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12.02.99
Mary from Salt Lake City, UT

A genu-ine jewel...in need of chisel and polish
My critical comments are as follows: Some of the line breaks do not seem natural. It seems a good idea never to end a line with "with."

I am totally with the poem until "learning my aura," and am then turned off by the disonance and new-agey associations.

Being a quasi-minimalist, sometimes, I have a couple chisel comments. It is more powerful to say "Heat rippling off the sand" than "The waves of heat rippling..." And more powerful to say "The unborn raised an eyebrow," than "The unborn child..."

This poem is one of the best I have read here at gumballpoetry.com. I was taken by the tragic/comedic emotion of it.







©2000 Gumball Poetry.