|
Post a review of this poem.

12.02.99
Mary from Salt Lake City, UT
  
A genu-ine jewel...in need of chisel and polish
My critical comments are as follows: Some of the line breaks do not seem natural. It seems a good idea never to end a line with "with."
I am totally with the poem until "learning my aura," and am then turned off by the disonance and new-agey associations.
Being a quasi-minimalist, sometimes, I have a couple chisel comments. It is more powerful to say "Heat rippling off the sand" than "The waves of heat rippling..." And more powerful to say "The unborn raised an eyebrow," than "The unborn child..."
This poem is one of the best I have read here at gumballpoetry.com. I was taken by the tragic/comedic emotion of it.

|